I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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