Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
