We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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