for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
