her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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