I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he's single and there are thong briefs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
