A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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