Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
