my phone needs a breathalizer
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
