i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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