Don't make out with my wife yet
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
