She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
