Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
