do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have demons in me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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