My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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