My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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