That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Couch. On fire.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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