I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
