i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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