What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
