Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
