Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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