She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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