you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
