pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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