Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
