What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He? As in you personified your dick?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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