note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
