This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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