Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
