That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
