I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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