I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
