But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
