dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
