The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
