I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
