I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
