i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
