When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
