I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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