Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
