I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
