you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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