Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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