Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
