a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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