And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
