So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
