i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
